The "L" Bomb

As anyone who has ever been in love before knows, the whole process is terrifying. From day one when you first feel that spark that alerts you that this thing is going to be serious, the butterflies enter your stomach and pretty much camp out there.

Of course, the nerves are based on excitement and adrenaline, but they remain (and grow) with-in you for a very long time. And seemingly they are inexplicable in those first few months. Things are going relatively well [that is to say that so far no one has thrown any dishes or called anyone's mothers yet], and there is a level of comfort that you feel with that person that doesn't exist elsewhere.

And yet, it is clear that until the day comes that you do finally say "I love you" you walk on eggshells trying not to screw it up or to let them know that you are that vulnerable because a few words strung together could change your entire life.

Love is serious business, and I believe that it comes in many forms. But this kind of love, the kind that sends chills down your spine, is the scariest of them all! It takes hold and before you know it, you are biting your tongue at every cute gesture just so the words don't accidentally fall out of your mouth before 'it is time'.

The rational thought would be that, of course, once the words actually do escape your mouth (if you are smart, after your partner has said it first), that the butterflies would find their way out and that the universe would settle. But I have learned it isn't so. In fact, perhaps the opposite holds true. Because now, you have far more to lose.

Those three words create a bond. They pull two people together and rise them up from being two close people, to two souls now tied together by a sort of oath. The words are not nearly as powerful as "I do", but they often can create many of the same tensions with less of the guarantee that the love will be there forever, or even for that matter, that it is mutual.

I have loved a lot in my life. I tend to see things in black and white, so it is pretty likely that unless I kinda hate you, I love you. But I must say the worst love I have experienced is the kind that wasn't reciprocated. The fear, angst and terror a person can feel when love is a one way street really is inexplicable. Those butterflies quadruple in numbers and seem to fly faster and in less organized patterns of flight. And though I loved him very much, in the end, the fear made me crazy and he was gone in a flash.

Love can be beautiful, and it can be fun and thrilling and exciting. But there are down sides to those three words "I Love You", so be careful with you heart.







For more advice on love, loss, chemistry and catastrophe please email janamstern@gmail.com